Where do I fit in? Have you ever asked this question? I have been feeling that way lately. I used to be a wife. Now I am a widow. I used to be a mom of little ones who depended on me for everything. Now I’m a mom of (almost) two adults. My son will be 18 in October, and my daughter will be 21 in November!
There are these forms and questionnaires that make me feel like I don’t actually count as a mom anymore. You know the ones. The ones that ask you how many children you have…that are UNDER 18….as if all of the sudden when they turn 18 you’re not a real mom anymore. Like, oh you gave birth, but hey, they’re 18 now, so you don’t have a right to say you’ve got kids anymore?
My kids still need me! Can’t you ask me how many kids I have and just leave it at that? Or maybe I’m just too old to have an opinion on mothering now. Is that what this form is implying? Maybe not. But I can tell you that that is how it makes us moms feel. We have a whole lot of wisdom and experience we could share with you younger moms. But, whatever, our kids are older now, so we’ve lost our skills, I guess.
See? I’ve kept them safe up til this point…. (Middle kid isn’t mine!)
And then we’ve got the forms that you fill out that don’t have widow/widower listed as a relationship option. I have to put single. Hey! I’m not single by choice, so please don’t make me check single on this form. Let me tell you that I was married, but my husband died. I was a wife, and I had a place where I fit. Yes, I am single now, but I am more than that.
What is the point of this post? I am not sure. Maybe someone else has felt like this and reading this will let them know they’re not alone in their feelings. Maybe it is just me. I will probably have more to say about this in the future. I just needed to get it off of my chest. I do fit in! And I have valuable advice…like don’t drink the milk…it’s spoiled!
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I'm starting to feel the same way as my kids get older. It's like if you don't have babies or really young ones in the house, you just don't get it anymore. When I did have younger kids though, I would always go to the older, more experienced moms, rather than the ones that had kids the same age as me. I think we "more experienced" moms have alot to offer!
I agree! I kicked butt at raising mine :)
I think things change, but they will always need you - just in different ways. I really do get where you're coming from, though.
Exactly. I still need my mom!
You are not alone in your thinking of "Where Do I Fit In?" I have had the same question for the past 16 years since my husband passed away at the young age of 42. Then I lost a daughter 9 years ago at the age of 22 who left behind two very young children which I cared for after she died. I have bounced around from state-to-state trying to find my niche but still to this day have not. I understand how you feel about filling out forms that only have married/single choices. I don't like filling out the single choice as I also did not have a choice in the matter to be single again.
Thank you for sharing your story! It does make you feel like you just don't fit anywhere. I am sorry about your losses. I can't imagine losing my child!
I am not in that position, but you make such a great and important point! I can feel your frustration
Thank you! I wish people who make those forms would just understand how we feel.
I say those forms are stupid, regardless the age of your children or if they pass on before you, you'll always be a mother. No form can change that, or anything else for that matter! :)
Yes! Those form makers just need to get a bit more understanding!
Or a good kick in the pants! :)
LOL yep!
It is strange how you can see a person but not really see them. I think all moms wonder sometimes.
Thank you! I know we sure do.
Our kids will always need us whether they want to admit it or not. They'll always be our babies whether they like it or not! =D
Even when they are taller than we are, they'll be our babies.
I don't know what to say because I am not in either of those shoes. However it's great you get to get it off your chest and I hope it does help you feel better. I think though children no matter their age always need their parents.
Thank you! It does help just talking about it. I think they do too. I know I still need mine!
My kids are grown up too and I still feel it's my responsibility to support them. Things for parents with younger kids don't interest me nearly as much as they used to but being a parent changes over time.
That is true too. I just feel like my niche is changing too quickly and I can't keep up!
My kids are growing up fast and I'm already starting to feel the tide turn. They aren't infants or toddlers anymore and need me in different ways now. I don't think it diminishes our roles as Moms (although I know exactly what forms and questionnaires you are talking about). If anything, I think it is tougher to be Mom to older children!
It is and it is hard being a mom when they don't need you as much as you need them!